Some steps along the way
  • being released from the trauma and the pain
  • being able to process the locked away memories
  • resolving  the gridlocks
  • dealing with trust issues
  • recalling and counteracting
                    the negative words of perpetrators


I found a 12 step site

12 Steps  by  (ACOA) Incest Survivors

currently evaluating it.

I found I glean such sites
for insights relevant to me
and  leave the rest.

I initially found I had
many questions
my need was to
locate sites
(ok after I get on the internet)
for the first 3 years I relied
in phonelines
which referrred me
to people who referred me
to dead ends.

my your search be less frustrating.

This site is my attempt, as a survivor

as a mutual suport resource for non offending adult survivors.

written by me as a survivor from my 15 years of recovery

   from sexual abuse in my childhood.

on an at your risk  no liability basis.

for survivors who have a Counsellor

and are able to critically the use and relevance

of the content herein.

currently incomplete  being developed.

1.  Overcomming denial

             both our own denial and the denial of others around us.

         Sexual abuse, violation is the unthinkable

often a breach of trust

it's embarrasing

it's painful

it's something that we were unprepared for

       we may have numbed out  or isolated  to cope.


           we may have supressed it until we are ready to process it.

         adult survivors may have reached the point

                                    where the pain exceeds the  shame.  

Some strategies to overcome denial -

  • talk to a helpline to get started
  • talk to a counsellor
  • make a report to the Police
  • write it out
  • join an on line survivor's forum.

2. Beyond Overcomming Denial

       the next step is making a decision to embark on the road,

                                                      or the journey of recovery.

       some posabilities:

  • your own thoughts aims
  • freedom from effects of csa
  • increased functionality
  • doing a recovery course

3.  recovery isn't always a linear path  as I first thought

       sometimes it's leaving one issue to deal with another

        then returning to the earlier issue stronger and more equiped to deal with it.

     I call this the grid of recovery.

4. Gather resources.  Identify the web sites, maybe survivor forums,

                                            counsellors,telephone helplines

      survivor groups,  Rabbi's, Pastors who  have the faith,

                           the perseverance and faith to assist,

      friends, relatives who are supportive

    After 15 years in recovery since

                        I started my journey of recovery

                              from being molestated at the age of  14

       and 4 years recovering after it was disclosed

       I had endured extreme sexual abuse in my infant years,

   I have concluded that an interdisciplinary approach is needed. 

  • I need my Pastors
  • I need my GP
  • I need my psychologists and counsellors
  • I need my physiotherapist
  • I need an understanding dentist, optomitrist, colonopist etc.
  • I need Help Lines to talk to - several  one might be in overload
  • I need specialists   and  a variety of approaches
     .over time as health care workers access more research
                                         and can access  resources
       hopefully there will be more integration,  more interaction
       my experience has been this has been lacking.
       I guess that I overcame my shame
            and can brief my health care workers
            that I am a csa survivor is itself increasing their awareness.

5.  set  Goals
  • Immediate - the current issue which has arisen. 
                              the question being asked now.
  • Short term - eg the  6-8 sessions contracted with the counsellor
  • on hold - don't be rushed.   it's  easy to feel overwhelmed.                                                                                     I found if I processed ONE issue at a time
- the most pressing issue then my head was clearer, my focus stronger,
 so I put other issues on hold and came back to them..
  • concurrent -  .some issues, treatments are concurrent. 
  • complementary -  eg prayer, psysiotherapy and  releasing body trauma.
                                   where one assists the other. 
  • defining recovery -  definining the person I want to be
                                / the man or woman God created me to be.
6.  relief is not recovery - each insight, each programme, each treatment,

                                                              each time of prayer ministry,
                                           should and hopefully  brings relief.  sometimes it doesn't.
                                            but when it does  it's relief along the way.
                                              enjoy. take a rest
                                                but there is more to come
                                         from my experience  my estimate would be to plan
                                                         a 3 - 5 year period of intense recovery
                                         more issues may arise
                                         but  one should have developed coping mechanisms
                                                and healthy adult responses

7. Recovery is gradual and interactive and diverse
                                         we don't "get over it"   or  "snap out of it".

                                         sadly some professionals give false expectations

                                           many want their technique, counselling, strategy  to be the cure all.
                                                                                                 it's not.
                                           I have written recovery material - 62 sub domains
                                                       each with 1-9 pages each.
                                                to help, to share, to mutually support
                                           I do not write in a vacuum, but acknowledge other sites, articles etc.
                                           beware of one size fits all approaches.
                                                     eg   when a Pastor doesn't know what to say
                                             he or she tells us to "forgive"  hey?
                                             I was asking him to pray
                                                that the love of God would cast out fear from my body tissue
                                                 in pain from the stored trauma.  he was avoiding my need.
                                             I forgave when I saw that Jesus Christ paid the price.
                                                                    He took the offence seriously.

                                             on the other hand the secular counsellor
                                                         who asks me to put morality
                                                       or forgiveness to one side 
                                              because it became a wall to hide behind
                                               is not helping me
                                  unless I reaffirm my moral principals as they define how I want to live
                                                          and serve as a protection from abuse or seduction.
                                                   and my willingness to forgive
                                         to withstand the temptation to be resentful which is toxic.
                                                so I needed my Pastor as well.

8. Regaining normality.  .signs of recovery -
  • able to perform daily tasks without flashbacks or being side tracked
  • an endurance, a perseverance
  • resiliance regained
  • less vulnerable
  • free or relativly free from pain and shame
  • integrated
  • scars replaced cleansed and healed wounds
  • the cloud has gone
  • sexually functional
  • living life
  • relating well to others
  • a capacity to withstand lifes normal trials and day to day challenges.
  • add your own.  these are a few which came to my mind. .