This site is my attempt, as a survivor
as a mutual suport resource for non offending adult survivors.
written by me as a survivor from my 15 years of recovery
from sexual abuse in my childhood.
on an at your risk no liability basis.
for survivors who have a Counsellor
and are able to critically the use and relevance
of the content herein.
currently incomplete being developed.
1. Overcomming denial
both our own denial and the denial of others around us.
Sexual abuse, violation is the unthinkable
often a breach of trust
it's embarrasing
it's painful
it's something that we were unprepared for
we may have numbed out or isolated to cope.
we may have supressed it until we are ready to process it.
adult survivors may have reached the point
where the pain exceeds the shame.
Some strategies to overcome denial -
- talk to a helpline to get started
- talk to a counsellor
- make a report to the Police
- write it out
- join an on line survivor's forum.
2. Beyond Overcomming Denial
the next step is making a decision to embark on the road,
or the journey of recovery.
some posabilities:
- your own thoughts aims
- freedom from effects of csa
- increased functionality
- doing a recovery course
3. recovery isn't always a linear path as I first thought
sometimes it's leaving one issue to deal with another
then returning to the earlier issue stronger and more equiped to deal with it.
I call this the grid of recovery.
4. Gather resources. Identify the web sites, maybe survivor forums,
counsellors,telephone helplines
survivor groups, Rabbi's, Pastors who have the faith,
the perseverance and faith to assist,
friends, relatives who are supportive
After 15 years in recovery since
I started my journey of recovery
from being molestated at the age of 14
and 4 years recovering after it was disclosed
I had endured extreme sexual abuse in my infant years,
I have concluded that an interdisciplinary approach is needed.
- I need my Pastors
- I need my GP
- I need my psychologists and counsellors
- I need my physiotherapist
- I need an understanding dentist, optomitrist, colonopist etc.
- I need Help Lines to talk to - several one might be in overload
- I need specialists and a variety of approaches
.over time as health care workers access more research
and can access resources
hopefully there will be more integration, more interaction
my experience has been this has been lacking.
I guess that I overcame my shame
and can brief my health care workers
that I am a csa survivor is itself increasing their awareness.
5. set Goals
- Immediate - the current issue which has arisen.
- Short term - eg the 6-8 sessions contracted with the counsellor
- on hold - don't be rushed. it's easy to feel overwhelmed. I found if I processed ONE issue at a time
so I put other issues on hold and came back to them..
- concurrent - .some issues, treatments are concurrent.
- complementary - eg prayer, psysiotherapy and releasing body trauma.
- defining recovery - definining the person I want to be
6. relief is not recovery - each insight, each programme, each treatment,
each time of prayer ministry,
should and hopefully brings relief. sometimes it doesn't.
but when it does it's relief along the way.
enjoy. take a rest
but there is more to come
from my experience my estimate would be to plan
a 3 - 5 year period of intense recovery
more issues may arise
but one should have developed coping mechanisms
and healthy adult responses
7. Recovery is gradual and interactive and diverse
.
we don't "get over it" or "snap out of it".
sadly some professionals give false expectations
many want their technique, counselling, strategy to be the cure all.
it's not.
I have written recovery material - 62 sub domains
each with 1-9 pages each.
to help, to share, to mutually support.
I do not write in a vacuum, but acknowledge other sites, articles etc.
beware of one size fits all approaches.
eg when a Pastor doesn't know what to say
he or she tells us to "forgive" hey?
I was asking him to pray
that the love of God would cast out fear from my body tissue
in pain from the stored trauma. he was avoiding my need.
I forgave when I saw that Jesus Christ paid the price.
He took the offence seriously.
on the other hand the secular counsellor
who asks me to put morality
or forgiveness to one side
because it became a wall to hide behind
is not helping me
unless I reaffirm my moral principals as they define how I want to live
and serve as a protection from abuse or seduction.
and my willingness to forgive
to withstand the temptation to be resentful which is toxic.
so I needed my Pastor as well.
8. Regaining normality. .signs of recovery -
- able to perform daily tasks without flashbacks or being side tracked
- an endurance, a perseverance
- resiliance regained
- less vulnerable
- free or relativly free from pain and shame
- integrated
- scars replaced cleansed and healed wounds
- the cloud has gone
- sexually functional
- living life
- relating well to others
- a capacity to withstand lifes normal trials and day to day challenges.
- add your own. these are a few which came to my mind. .